Well hello there 7 years later...

It has been seven years since I last wrote a blog! Seven years that have felt. like. a. lifetime. I actually had no intention of writing another blog, but I stumbled upon my old posts and realized I kinda like having record of my life as I go, being that I have the worst memory EVER. It's great when you don't want to remember bad things, but it's sad when you don't remember the good things either. 

Let's see... what has happened in the last seven years (if I can even remember). I moved away from the town where I graduated from college, where I got married and had my first child, and where I had my first adult job, Stephenville TX, to a far away land in the West called Lubbock TX. I knew little about Lubbock, except of course Texas Tech. The thing I remember most about our first trip there was the people were super friendly, there was no humidity in the air so I had a great hair day, and there was a Torchy's Tacos (my memory remembers good hair days and good food well -  priorities). Let's just say I was all in. Ryan, Olivia, and I hit the road for Lubbock. Ryan was working as a college pastor starting a college ministry at a local church. I started working at a parent's day out program in the 2 year old class while Olivia went to school down the hall. From that moment forward life threw a few curve balls at my little family. 

Our first days on the job were big days for us. On Ryan's first Sunday it was announced to the church that our pastor, the person who had asked us to come to Lubbock, had been diagnosed with cancer. On my first day of work I found out I was pregnant with baby #2... actually baby #3 (Olivia was a twin in the womb, and her twin didn't make it past 8 weeks, but I'm just now realizing and acknowledging that, well, I need to acknowledge that baby). 

Along the way God brought us some amazing college students and some amazing friends. Something I do often is pray for God to give me friends. Yes, I need help making friends and God knows what's up - no shame here. So we had some friends come alongside us that were so wonderful I can't even explain, beyond that fact that God just provided exactly what we needed. Also, Charlie was born. Enough said if you know Charlie; if you don't, just go read the "Strong Willed Child", or even just the title, and that's Charlie. We then received a few big blows including the death of 2 family members, and the death of our pastor and Ryan's mentor, all within the first year of moving to Lubbock. We came to a point in our marriage and just emotionally in general that felt similar to a desert. 

Fun fact: God knew all along that these things were going to happen. He wasn't caught off guard and he definitely wasn't (and never is) unprepared. Also fun fact: I happened to be studying the story of Abraham where God called Abraham to the promised land. When Abraham got there, it turned out to be a desert in the midst of a famine (sounds familiar!). Here's what I realized in the middle of all of this: when we get to a place of complete dependence on Him, where we have run out of our own resources, we can more easily embrace that He is the provider and He desires to provide for us if we will call on Him. He would not have brought Abraham to the desert just to leave him there alone. We all know Abraham left the promised land and fled to Egypt once he realized the famine was taking place, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened if he stayed put and asked God to provide. My prayer for that next season of life was, "God you called us here, so I'm not going to run away. I am running low on resources and I'm scared, but you say you want to be our provider even in the most seemingly hopeless situations so I'm calling on you to please provide WATER IN THE DESERT." If you look throughout the old testament this is not impossible for God. He has done it before. So I asked, and He provided. But here's what God told me: this is a marathon, not a sprint. It was not a quick fix (in fact it's still in progress today)! However, watching God's faithfulness throughout the process has been nothing short of miraculous. I had a front row seat to watch God make beauty from ashes, and I was a big ol heap of smoldering ashes. 

For those of you that like details here are some of the ways God provided during the season, and let me tell you that none of them would have happened without Him. If you don't care for details just skip this paragraph. So here we go: marriage counseling, a wonderful pediatrician who recommended some things to help manage Charlie's behavior, a flourishing college ministry, a team of wonderful adults who volunteered to pour into those college students, random blessings from people who would show up at our house and say "I feel like God told me you needed (fill in the blank)", a job position for me that opened up at the *perfect* time, mentors who spoke truth into our lives, books that were recommended to us right when we needed them, tubes for Charlie's ears - seriously a game changer! And on and on and on. I can think of so many instances of God's faithfulness. If you REALLY like details and that wasn't enough for you, just let me know and I can tell you more.

Eventually God led us out of Lubbock and to Oklahoma which is where we currently reside. And He is here too. In seven years that is the one thing that hasn't changed. I'm beyond thankful to revisit the pages of my seven year younger self, who didn't know the trials and victories that we were about to face, and yet I can still see the same God weaved throughout each sentence of each page! I'm more convinced and encouraged than ever, that in every season God is here and will be our provider if we just ask. The ultimate goal in the end is not the things, and it never was. It's about the solid foundation that comes with building our life upon the rock, God, and knowing that it was all about Him to begin with. The giver of good things. The good things that reflect a tiny glimpse of how good the giver really is. It all points back to Him. And that is worth remembering. 

James 4:2

"You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask."

31 Days - Jaded Beauty

Today's topic: Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

First I had to look up the definition of jaded. I'm pretty sure I know what it means but I would be really embarrassed if I wrote a whole blog about a word that I completely misunderstood.


Jaded: Made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by surfeit. 


Then I had to look up surfeit - hoping I would understand all the words in that definition so I can get started, otherwise this blog could turn into a list of definitions and that would be more embarrassing than writing a blog about a word I misunderstood. I can already tell that this blog is going to be rough either way! If you're still reading, I commend you for your patience.  


Surfeit: 1. An overabundant supply; 2. Disgust caused by excess


I know what all those words mean! Whew! Okay I think I have a grasp on the question now. 


I don't have a good understanding of what the world's definition of beauty is on a whole, but I can use my experience of the standard of beauty held in my surroundings. 


So in that case yes, I have been jaded by the world's definition of beauty. I think mostly because there is no way of attaining it. When you strive to be beautiful by the world's standards, you're chasing a goal that changes by the second. New trends happen all the time. What was cool yesterday may not be so cool today. By the time I think something is cute, it's already out of style (dang-it). That's why when my fashion forward little sister gives me her old clothes, I wonder why she doesn't want them anymore because to me they are so cute and so "in". The fact is, she's already on to the next trend and I'm just now discovering the old one. 


It's difficult and exhausting to hold yourself to a standard that is ever-changing and extremely fickle. You will be disappointed. And after so much disappointment, or a surfeit of disappointment (I was hoping I could fit that word in somewhere) you will inevitably become jaded. We can only take so much! 


I still chase after those trends. I love a good pair of heels and I can't go too long in between highlights! And while I may be behind on most trends, my sister keeps me in check so I don't fall too far behind. But my worth is not defined by the latest trend or the world's standard of beauty. Been there done that and you can get yourself into a dangerous pit that way. You will find yourself compromising more and more to achieve that unattainable worldly standard until one day you look up and wonder how you got in so deep. That is the very thing that God in His perfect love is trying to protect us from when he warns us of the danger of sin. 


When we start to feel jaded, we need to check our spirit on the situation. Have we given too much worth to something that is not that worthy? I have many times! But here's the good part that I love: God will never leave us feeling jaded. He is so worthy. If we trust Him wholeheartedly He will never disappoint us. In the ever-changing world that we live in, I can use something constant like that.

31 Days -

Just to update anybody who is wondering why I'm randomly posting on different topics, I got these topics from a blog entitled Project 31. They are mostly related to proverbs 31, but some are just for fun (i.e. post of a pic of yourself in your favorite outfit... not so much related to proverbs 31).  

The topics are so broad that you can go pretty much anywhere with them. It would be fun to see how y'all interpret each question! Here are the topics if you would like to join in:

http://www.shebreathesdeeply.com/search/label/project%2031?updated-max=2011-01-22T11%3A57%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=20

Okay - back to today's topic which is....

Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

The only person that has really made my heart come alive is Jesus Christ. So I will pick somebody who has pointed me to Jesus in order to make my heart come alive. 

First option is my husband. He is my leader and continually strives to point me to Jesus. I love him and am so thankful for his leadership. But I want this particular blog to be about something different than a husband/wife relationship. I want to touch on another incredibly important relationship, and that is the relationship between a discipler and disciplee (pretty sure those aren't real words because spell check is not happy with me, but they get the point across).

I cannot talk about discipleship without mentioning Nick and Amy Cooper. They were the first people to teach me about discipleship and show me what discipleship looks like through their walks with Christ. I can't thank them enough for their teaching, love, and allowing Ryan and I to be a part of their lives over the past 4-5 years. It's truly been a life-changing experience. 

Although Nick has been a huge factor in pointing me to Jesus (he was my college minister, boss, mentor, etc.), I would like to dedicate this blog to Amy. She has been through the trenches and mountaintops with me by dedicating the past few years to personally discipling me - which is no small task! I thank God for her extreme patience and love to have been able to put so much time into me a completely undeserving me. :)

The definition of discipleship is this:

Disciple - A person who learns from another, especially one who then teaches others; An active follower or adherent of someone, or some philosophy etc

Jesus commands us to disciple in the great commission:

"Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'" Matthew 28:16-20

 

Paul commands us to disciple in his letter to Timothy: 

"And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others." 2 Timothy 2:2

Notice the chain. Paul discipled Timothy, and called Timothy to disciple others. This is how Timothy gets fed (being discipled by Paul) in order to feed others (discipling reliable people who will also be qualified to disciple). That's discipleship in a nutshell. 

Discipleship can look many ways. It can be informal; just living life together with the intention of getting in the Word and pointing that person to Jesus. 

It can also be more formal; meeting once a week at a specific time going over a certain book of the Bible or study guide. 

Now this is my favorite part because now we're getting back to Amy. Amy and I did (and still do) more of a formal discipleship. I'm not saying it's the best way but it worked for me. It was especially helpful earlier in my walk when I needed more structure and guidance to keep me in the Word. We meet every week and talk about successes, failures, sin, praises, God, prayer, scripture, the past, the future, and I could go on and on. Her wisdom along with the Holy Spirit guide me through my walk with Christ. It has been an integral part of knowing who I am in Christ. I'm still learning and I will be for the rest of my life. That's the great thing about discipleship. There is always a need for it until we get to heaven. 

Most things will be perfected when we get to heaven:

Our bodies

Relationships

Lack of sin

Fellowship with God

But there is one thing that we will not be able to do better in heaven:

Evangelize


Discipleship is a form of evangelism. That is why I'm so thankful that Amy has made it a priority and is obedient in her to life to evangelize by discipling me and many other women. There will be no need for it in heaven and we will have lost our chance to do so on earth by then. The fact that we're still here is a call to disciple. It is how Amy Cooper has made my heart alive by pointing me to Jesus and I hope that by God's grace I can do the same for others! 

Nick, Amy, me, Ryan

31 Days - Post a Pic...

... of yourself in your favorite outfit.

Well, I don't know if I have a favorite outfit but here is a pic of an outfit of mine that I like. Or maybe I just like it because I like the people in this picture! Either way it works :)

Unfortunately the shirt didn't hold it's shape after being washed a few times so I had to get rid of it.

I'll end today's blog with a picture that one of my clients colored for me today. Thought it was a perfect follow up to yesterday's blog about childlike faith:

 See you tomorrow!
-Amy

31 Days - Who is Someone You Know That Inspires Beauty?

I work at a place here in Stephenville where I manage houses that have special needs adults living in them. I recently had to explain to one of my clients that she has cancer. Her grace in the moment was inspiring. Her vulnerability and fear was there, but at the same time she was amazingly joyful and did not miss a beat!

Another one of my clients was riding with me in the car when we saw a cat that looked like he had no home. My client's heart broke for the cat, almost to the point of tears, and he decided he wanted to pray for it. His prayer was so simple, so caring and heartfelt that it almost brought me to tears! I learned a lot about the beauty of prayer that day. 

I learn something from my clients every day. Most of them love without any reservations, make everybody they meet feel like a superstar, work hard to be independent, rarely if ever complain about any disabilities they have, and just overall make the most out of life. I realize they have many challenges, but there is a small blessing in that they do not fully understand the world around them. They don't fear life like we do because they don't grasp all the ins and outs of the world. Isn't that how God intended for all of us to be? Adam and Eve were blissfully ignorant until they ate the forbidden fruit. Just to be clear I am not saying we should all avoid knowledge and remain ignorant. We no longer live in perfect fellowship with God in the Garden of Eden therefore we must seek knowledge to know God more. But there is something to having a childlike faith:

Matthew 18:3 "Truly I say to you, unless you turn around and become as young children, you will by no means enter into the kingdom of the heavens."

It's this childlike faith and spirit which my clients exhibit that inspires beauty in the world around them. I'm forever changed because of their influence in my life. That's beautiful!  

31 Days - What Makes You Uniquely You?

Day 2. 


I don't feel very unique. When I think about anything that might make me different from others, I start to think about how many other people have that same quality. This is actually kind of nice. 


Before Christ I thought I was unique in my hopelessness. I thought I was worse than everybody else and nobody struggled with the same things as me - and if they did struggle with the same things, they handled it way better than me. I thought I was unique in that I was a failure. 


Now that I know Christ, I know that I'm unique in that I have a specific function in God's plan. 


"But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?" 1 Corinthians 12:18-19


I'm not that much different from you or the next person. I don't have any standout qualities that make me super special but I was created for a specific purpose, and that makes me unique. I do believe that although I was created to glorify God and He desires me to do so, if I don't step up to the plate and utilize my gifts as a part of God's body of believers He will use somebody else that is willing (willing does not mean perfect - it means being ready for action despite any fears we face or imperfections we might have. God never expects us to be perfect to be a part of His plan). His glory is more important to Him than my participation meaning that He will not put an end to His perfect plan because I choose not to participate. 


"For My name's sake I defer my anger,
for the sake of My praise I restrain it for you,
that I may not cut you off.
Behold, I have refined you but not like silver;
I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.
For My own sake, for My own sake I do it,
for how should My name be profaned?
My glory I will not give to another."
Isaiah 48:9-11


But we're all blessed in that we get to participate! He wants us to be a part of His glory - we were created for His glory! Each one in our own unique way. 

"But now, thus says the Lord, your creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place. Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you, I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life. Do not fear, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring My sons from afar, and My daughters from the ends of the earth, everyone who is called by My name, and whom I have created for My glory, whom I have formed even whom I have made" (NASB)." Isaiah 43:1-7

We should learn from each other, but we should not strive to be each other because we were not given the same gifts to work with. We should strive to be the best version of ourselves. (See Parable of the Talents; Matthew 25:14-30)

We are all unique in our function in God's plan, but we are all splendidly uniform in this:

"If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

31 Days - What is Beauty?

My friend is doing a series on her blog that consists of 31 days of blogging on different topics related to the passage Proverbs 31. Sounded interesting to me so I'm joining the fun!


The first question is what is beauty to you? To me....


...beauty is subjective and objective. A person might be beautiful to one person and not beautiful to the next.  But there are also absolute truths about beauty that are not subject to opinion. For example:


"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!" Romans 10:15


That is not subject to opinion. It is an absolute truth that the feet of those who bring good news are beautiful.


Although outward appearance is subjective, it is not ignored in the bible. Multiple people were described as being physically beautiful:


Rebecca; Genesis 24:16
Sarai; Genesis 12:11, 14
Esther; Esther 2:2-4, 7-9, 17


But while beauty is described and acknowledged, it is only a physical attribute, and it is not related whatsoever to worth as we commonly confuse in today's culture. Outward beauty holds the same weight as being wealthy does:


It's temporary. 
("...beauty is fleeting"; Proverbs 31:3)
It holds no eternal value. 
("Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."; 1 Peter 3:3-4)


Notice that not everybody in the bible is followed up with the description of being beautiful - outwardly that is.  Sometimes we feel a lack of worth because we are like the biblical character with no mention of physical beauty in their description. But outward beauty holds as much weight to God as worldly riches do - none! It doesn't hold any worth to God when he looks upon his children:


"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7


So overall, outward beauty is a neutral matter - not bad, not good. It's okay to appreciate it because at it's core it is not bad. We make it bad when we place it at a higher value than it really is.




But inward beauty.... that is to be praised!


"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:3


The beauty that I'm after is the objective beauty. The beauty that cannot be taken away or torn down by anybody's opinion. Yes I strive for outward beauty as well, and that's okay as long as I don't make it my idol (which is tough!). My beauty and identity rests in Christ because He is in me. Because of Christ God can look upon me and see inward beauty. Apart from Christ there is no beauty in me.


So what is true, unchanging, objective beauty?


Jesus Christ.


"For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.


So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:18-25